It’s important for us to recognize that emotions happen, whether we want them or not. That’s part of being human.
When emotions come, they’re indicators that help us to understand ourselves and the motivations behind what we do and say. The majority of our actions are driven by emotion.
It’s emotion that drives us to succeed, that strengthens our relationships, and provides us a sense of well-being.
But emotions can also sabotage our success, destroy our relationships, and undermine our self-worth. Our greatest success can come when we learn to recognize those self-sabotaging emotions when they come and effectively manage them—before they drive our actions. Not only will this lead to greater mental wellness, but it will enable greater success in all areas of life.
David Caruso once wisely said; “It is very important to understand that emotional intelligence is not the opposite of intelligence, it is not the triumph of heart over head – it is the unique intersection of both.”
Here are five recommendations that will set you on the path to greater resilience.
1. Identify the Emotion
Before you can manage an emotion, you have to first recognize what that emotion is. Often times, the surface emotion you feel will be masking an underlying deeper, more vulnerable, emotion. For example, anxiety can mask fear, anger can mask hurt, and sadness can mask embarrassment.
It’s important that you identify the emotion that you’re feeling and determine if it’s a primary emotion, or secondary emotion that is masking a deeper rooted emotion that may be too painful to share. Learning to recognize and label your emotions will allow you to know what the problem is so that you can brainstorm solutions. Sometimes the solution to unwanted emotions is simply recognizing them and talking them through.
2. Learn to Practice Mindfulness
One of the greatest ways to determining your emotions is practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is a way to take a step back and look at the situation from an unbiased viewpoint. It’s about asking questions such as: “Why am I feeling this way?” “Where did this emotion come from?” Or “How can I effectively resolve my concern?”
It’s important to recognize that some feelings just need to be felt in order for you to process traumatic experiences in your life, like the death of a loved one. Don’t bypass the grief. Allow yourself to feel your emotions and then let them go.
3. Learn to Reframe Your Thoughts
Our beliefs are at the very core of our deepest emotions. Many times, our emotions come to the surface because of something someone else has done, or hasn’t done. Maybe our expectations weren’t met, or maybe we get angry with ourselves because we didn’t meet our own expectations.
Many times, the emotions we feel because of these things can be avoided by reframing our thoughts into a more positive mindset, and by recognizing that the only actions we have control of are our own. By reframing our thoughts, we are training our brain to see things from a different perspective. By putting a more positive spin on the stories that we tell ourselves, our emotions will be more reflective of that positive perspective.
Rather than jump to conclusions, we can give people the benefit of the doubt. And, above all, we can seek to find the good in the things people have already done. Train your thoughts to see the good, because what you look for, you will find.
4. Engage in a Mood Boosting Activity
One of the best ways to transform negative emotions into more positive emotions is by doing something that you love. Find something that makes your heart happy, and do it every day. Not only will this improve your mood, but it will keep those negative emotions at bay. By doing something you love, you create positive endorphins that counteract negative emotions.
Some of these mood-boosting activities could include meditation, walking in the park, enjoying a hobby, dancing to your favorite tune, talking with a trusted friend, hiking in the woods, listening to your favorite music, practicing yoga, playing an instrument, painting or sketching, exercising, or any number of activities that clear your mind, bring joy to your heart, and put a smile on your face.
5. Recognize that You Have a Choice
With every emotion that comes, you get to choose how you’ll respond. As you become aware of those emotions, you will be better able to change your response. Rather than lashing out, you can practice restraint. Remember that emotions are going to come, but you will always have a choice on how to react to those emotions when they present themselves. The key to managing your emotions is to recognize that you are in charge, not your emotions.
The more you learn to successfully manage your emotions, not only will you better understand yourself, but you will become better, yourself—and you will successfully discover the best version of you!